The Tyranny of Intensifiers

 

     One reason I enjoy doing science is that I dislike embellishment—like the use of superlatives to exaggerate the status of some product. “New and improved!” for example, or “When only the best will do!” These intensifiers always include exclamation points. Their message is loud. They are annoying. They step beyond informing and rush headlong into insisting. Science isn’t like this. We scientists are level-headed.

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     In science, it is evidence that persuades. We don’t try to promote our product’s superiority. Superlatives are seldom in our professional vocabulary. Can you imagine how science would change if they were?

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     Here’s Darwin on evolution: “Check out the new, improved natural selection! A superior way to advance! Lamarck is a loser!”

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     Watson & Crick on DNA: “Don’t be fooled by those triple-helix ads! The double-helix is the supreme solution for inheritance! Accept no substitutes!”

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     Pasteur on the germ theory of disease: “Leeches are not the answer! Get unrivaled results from inoculation! Try my new and improved vaccines!”

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     The phlogiston theory of combustion did not succumb to the better PR of the oxygen camp; it lost out when oxidation was empirically demonstrated. Chemistry eked out a win over alchemy not due to better campaigning but to better, well, chemistry.

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     Like many of you, I get fatigued from the relentless hawking of competitive products and services cloaked in extravagant claims supported only by hyperbole. Enough, already!

I have a suggestion for combatting this: gather all of the worst offenders and ship them to Corsica. Let us scientists navigate the calm waters of reason and restore sanity.

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     Other solutions have been proposed, of course, but mine is clearly the best! No question about it!

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Ron Wetherington