Newton’s Folly: A Physics Lesson

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     Everyone knows that Isaac Newton invented modern physics. What most people don’t know is that Isaac’s ego often interfered with his work, such as when Newton collided with Robert Hooke on the solution to gravity. Each accused the other of plagiarism, so Newton invented calculus to prove his superiority. When no one could understand it, they labeled him a genius. Everybody forgot about Robert Hooke.

 

     Physics is about motion and energy. These are illustrated in Newton’s three laws. The first is the Law of Inertia: objects in motion. This states that if you begin a task and stick with it until it’s finished, your parents will be proud, your girlfriend will be impressed, and your fellow workers will despise you. Newton would have called it the postage stamp law: you get somewhere by sticking to the same thing. Unfortunately, postage stamps would not be invented for 200 years, so he missed out on a really nifty title.

 

     A corollary to this is the Law of Indolence: objects at rest.  It states that if you sit in one place long enough, you’ll fall asleep. This was my students’ favorite. It is also known as the Law of Conservation of Energy.

 

     Energy has two forms: kinetic and potential. Kinetic is when a lot of things are happening. Potential is what your child’s third-grade teacher told you: “Alice is quiet, but she has a lot of potential.” Potential energy lies in wait, ready to pounce, sometimes without notice. However, it’s curiously difficult to transform into kinetic energy in teenagers, a scientific conundrum that even Newton couldn’t solve.

 

     Newton’s second law is the Law of Momentum, normally written as F=ma. That translates as: “The momentum of a body is equal to the product of its mass and its velocity.” The basic message here is to avoid trying to stop a 16-wheeler that’s bearing down on you unless you outweigh it.

 

     Finally, Newton’s third law is commonly known as the “equal and opposite” law. It says that when two bodies interact, their engaging forces are equal in magnitude but opposite in direction. This is illustrated when a wife approaches her husband with a household task.

 

     Newton would have discovered many more laws if he had not spent so much time in a fit of pique over Robert Hooke or poking his eye to see all the colors his retina could produce. My take on all this? Genius and stupidity are like twins: sometimes you can’t tell them apart.

 

Ron Wetherington